How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
