I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
