Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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