Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
