I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
