And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my shit smells like andre
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
