One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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