I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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