I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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