I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
