I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
