U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
