I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
