Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
