it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
