I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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