Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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