Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
