And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
