yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
