So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
