best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
