she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
