when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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