Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
