she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
