My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
