It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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