Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
