i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
