Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
