I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
