i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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