I bet he comes in French.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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