remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
