lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
