True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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