What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
