Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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