I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
