I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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