I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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