if i can run in heels then i can drive
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
