I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
