I met the friendliest cop last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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