I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
