Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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