smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
