You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
