haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
