chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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