So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
