thus making me awesome and them whores
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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