I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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