i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
